🌱 The 5 Traits that make Coaching Work

First of all, thank you for completing the questions!

It takes courage to be honest about the ways you struggle during uncomfortable moments. And that honesty is the foundation that we can build profound progress from.

What we’re doing here isn’t about labeling you or putting you in a box. It’s about naming the human tendencies we all experience when we’re under pressure — so that they don’t get between you and me or spoil your progress. Coaching is a space where even your messiest habits and deepest fears can be met with clarity, care, and accountability.

Now that you’ve answered the questions, here are the five traits that make coaching work — even when fear, shame, or ego make it difficult:

🔎 1. Honesty When It’s Hard

We all want to look good. But the most powerful breakthroughs come when you’re willing to tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

When you feel the urge to hide something — to blame, distract, or distort the story — the practice is to pause and remember that you have options. I’ll never punish you for the truth. Quite the opposite: I’ll respect you more for sharing it. So please let me know when you’re feeling the urge to avoid a difficult topic, or there’s something you’re afraid to admit. We can explore your feelings around the thought of disclosing whatever it is, and move towards the truth at your pace.

🧭 2. Responsibility for What You Can Control

It’s tempting to focus on how other people need to change. Even if you’re right, you can only guide them in that direction if they’re willing. But you have far more power to change your circumstances by focusing first on what you can do. That’s why it’s important to take ownership for how you respond to the situation — even when life feels unfair.

I’ll make sure to keep you in a growth mindset rather than remaining stuck in “waiting mode” — whether you’re waiting for justice, approval, or perfection. I’ll help you redirect your focus to the choices and values that are still available to you. Because that’s where your power is. And that’s how you can become truly persuasive, rather than resentful or demanding.

💡 3. Integrity and Willingness to Do the Work

The desire to find shortcuts is human — especially when making progress is hard, slow, or invisible to others.

Instead of fantasizing about easier paths or how you can look good to others, I’ll help you to get clear about the values that make you want to show up and make important changes in your life, regardless of what anyone else thinks. I just need your willingness to acknowledge what’s required of you to make the changes you want, and to be honest about how willing you feel to do the work.

🤝 4. Presence in Dialogue

Good coaching isn’t a performance. It’s an ongoing, private conversation meant to help you grow as a person. If you’re constantly managing how you come across to me, trying to say the right thing, or thinking three steps ahead — it will keep us from addressing important issues in private, so that they don’t come out sideways in public. Better that we work it out just between you and me because our sessions are strictly confidential. That way, you can avoid unnecessary embarrassment and earn the dignity and respect you want.

Please let me know when you’re feeling defensive or panicking. When you acknowledge these feelings, we can work through them together. We just need to stay present, be curious, and remember that you are not your mistakes. You don’t have to impress me. You just have to be real.

🧠 5. Openness to Challenging your Beliefs

When someone disagrees with you, it can feel threatening. But discomfort is often a doorway to growth.

Together, we’ll learn how to sit with disagreement, explore new perspectives, and separate your worth from your beliefs. You’re not expected to agree with everything — just to stay engaged and reflective. So all I ask is your willingness to consider ideas on their own merit, and be willing to follow the truth where it leads you—even if it’s challenging to your fears or ego.

💬 Bonus: Emotional Courage in Relationships

Offense, disappointment, and conflict are common in any meaningful relationship — even this one. What matters is how you respond.

If you feel hurt, frustrated, or disconnected from me, I want to hear about it. Not in two weeks, not through silence — but with care and honesty in the moment. That’s how trust is built. So all I ask is that you’re straightforward with me, and I’ll do my best to work it out without.

🧘 What You Can Expect from Me

You’ll never be shamed for reacting like a human. I’ll hold you accountable — not by judging, but by helping you stay in relationship to your values, even when it’s hard.

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being brave, self-aware, and willing to grow. Then we can do powerful work together.