Workouts Build Character
By Damodar Roe
Opposite Action Therapy
WE SHOULD DO IT BECAUSE WE DON’T WANT TO
We’d rather think that exercise is impossible than admit our laziness and do something uncomfortable. The fear of challenges is the root problem. Trying to avoid difficulty doesn’t only keep you from developing a healthy workout routine. It also undermines your ability to live according to your own core values, especially when that option is more difficult. This is why many men today are suffering. They haven’t identified what’s really important to them, regardless of how popular or unpopular it is. They haven’t developed the fortitude to govern their own actions, even when their natural impulses pull them in different directions. But by seeking out challenges in your life, and intentionally doing things that are difficult, you can develop that fortitude, transform your life, and become the man you admire.
The world is a different place for the man who has a weak character and the man who has a strong one. Allowing your mind to control your life forces you to replay the same patterns over and over again. Even though you feel guilt and shame from doing things you shouldn’t, (and not doing things you should), your efforts to change are made ineffective by the avoidance of discomfort. This is not because you’re a bad person, but because you haven’t developed the power to act any differently yet. When you don’t realize the reason why you’re stuck, it starts to feel like the world is a deterministic place where you’re destined for “failure”. But once you’ve found hope in the power of discipline, you will realize that even though you have various thoughts, feelings, and desires, you can still determine the direction of your life by choosing how you respond to them. To the extent that you have the strength and fortitude to act independently of how you feel, you are truly free.
When your mind says “it’s too hard” or any other negative and self-limiting belief, the only way to overcome this mental barrier is do something that proves it wrong. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy, this skill is called “opposite action”. For example, how many push-ups can you do in one hour? Regardless of what you might guess or anticipate, the only one way to find out is by trying. Push yourself until you realize for a fact that you’re stronger than you imagined.
You will start to realize that the discomfort you feel from exercise is just a temporary feeling. It’s not as bad as the mind portrays it, it doesn’t last forever, and it doesn’t disgrace you. In fact, accepting these feelings for the sake of doing what you need to do actually makes your life better. Similarly, whether you’re nervous to speak up for yourself, face your fears, or try something new, these hesitations are just temporary feelings, too. They don’t have to control your life.
By embracing discomfort in one area, like exercise, you build resilience and confidence in all areas of your life. You learn that pushing through fear and discomfort can lead to growth, improved self-esteem, and a more fulfilling life. You can use this newfound confidence in all areas of your life to show up as the person you want to be, without being intimidated by the mind or limited by the avoidance of discomfort.
BECOME A MOUNTAIN CLIMBER
It’s a common experience to start a workout routine with enthusiasm only to lose steam after a few weeks. The problem is not a lack of motivation, but the wrong motivations. Some people enjoy fantasizing about reaching the mountain peak of success, but they aren’t willing to do the work required to get there. They never get started. Other people are willing to do the work, but only if they will be admired by other people when they reach the top. They get pretty far sometimes, but that success is followed by a surge of complacency once the show is over.
The reason you’re inconsistent with your workouts is because your motivations are conditional. You want to look amazing, gain the admiration of other people, and rank #1 in competition. But the moment you actually achieve these goals, or realize you might not be able to achieve them, your motivation evaporates.
To cultivate a sustainable workout routine, it’s essential to shift your focus from conditional goals to intrinsic motivations. Stop fantasizing about the mountain peak while hanging out at base, or climbing just to show off, and actually become a mountain-climber. Forget what anyone thinks or says. Whether you’re at the base or the peak, resting between climbs or right in the middle of it, think of the journey as the reward and an expression of who you are as a person.
In psychology, this is called intrinsic motivation. Here are some examples:
The wish to be more like your heroes.
The drive to take control of your own life.
The obsession of beating your own records and pursuing mastery.
The journey to become as strong as possible.
The satisfaction of knowing how to be confident in yourself.
What sets this kind of motivation apart is it makes the workout itself into the reward. In essence, it doesn’t matter what you look like or where you place in competition. The reward for doing your best is discovering your own strength. The experience of difficulty is a rewarding arena where you discover what you’re capable of. You start to develop a routine of regularly challenging yourself and having fun with the goals you set. Even though you’re not in the mood to workout sometimes, this obstacle becomes an opportunity. You take action anyway and cultivate the superpower of discipline, which empowers you to accomplish whatever you set your mind to, rather than being limited by the negativity of the mind.
MEASURE MEANING OVER MUSCLE
Once a Spartan was defeated in a wrestling match at the Olympic games. Someone commented, “Your opponent has proved himself the better man.”
“No,” the Spartan replied, “A better wrestler he might be. But not a better citizen, a better person, a better resource in tight places, or a better forgiver of faults.”
— Plutarch, Sayings of the Spartans 236e
When you’re losing weight or gaining muscle, these kinds of benefits should be seen as a welcome bonus, and not the true standard of progress. After all, the body is just a vehicle. Even though it’s better to be healthy than unhealthy, more important is the meaning you make out of your limited time in this life. The more you’re attached to external results and recognition, the more likely you’ll get impatient or frustrated and lose your motivation. The more likely you’ll lose focus on what’s actually important.
So how do know when you’re making progress with developing your character traits when those are not things you cannot be directly seen, heard, touched, tasted, or smelt?
Here are some signs of progress to look for in yourself:
Your mind is less stubborn when it comes to doing difficult or unpleasant tasks. You find yourself taking on challenges with a sense of determination rather than dread, and you’re more willing to step out of your comfort zone.
You are more consistent in living a lifestyle according to your core values. Your actions align with your beliefs and principles, and you make choices that reflect who you truly are, even when it’s difficult or inconvenient.
You celebrate the success of other people, whether they’re ahead, behind, or at your side. Instead of feeling threatened or envious, you find joy in the achievements of others and see them as inspiration rather than competition.
MEN ARE SUFFERING FOR WANT OF COURAGE
Men are suffering because they haven’t been shown how to develop the strength it takes to live a life of integrity. Instead, too many of us are running away from discomfort with bad habits and distractions, and not staying true to our values when that means being uncomfortable or not fitting in. But working out can be an act of dissent from this misguided culture when it’s performed in the right spirit.
Take action despite the discomfort and resistance of your mind, and push forward without being attached to any external admiration. Then you build character, not just muscle. This is what it means to be courageous — to be a hero in the story of your own life as you face challenges head-on and develop both physical strength and inner resilience. You will realize that you’re stronger than you ever imagined. And this progressive realization will empower you to forge yourself into a gentleman whom your loved ones can depend on, and someone you can depend on, too.