Ever felt suspicious of “life coaches”?

I still feel that way.

I was scammed by one myself.

Some years back, an old acquaintance moved into our area. He started showing up at community gatherings, but just enough to invite people to his home.

At his house, he’d serve you the best gourmet food, make you feel at home, and acted like he was absolutely fascinated with you and your life. But every now and then, he’d drop a casual flex — a story about his wealth, a hint about his success. When you asked, he loved telling the story of how he went from broke to seven figures after “mastering the art of sales.”

If you showed interest in his coaching program, which I did after an amazing meal at his house, he would schedule a call with you. But you had to watch a video first. In it, he said that what he taught were the secrets that only the top 1% of people know. But to qualify yourself, you had to make “the biggest investment in yourself you’ve ever made in entire your life.” And because it would radically challenge your “limiting beliefs” it would feel like sky-diving — you might find yourself standing there, terrified as you look down, but the only solution is to jump anyway.

On our call, he asked my income, grilled me about my growth plan, and pushed me to imagine what would happen if I didn’t figure it out. I wasn’t unhappy with my approach, but with a new baby on the way, I wanted to accelerate my career growth. So I asked about the price.

“Ten thousand dollars.”

I wasn’t totally shocked. He had primed me to expect a big buy-in with the promise of multiplying my income to make it all worthwhile.

And to be honest, usually, I’d never consider something like this. I talked it over with my wife: “Well… he’s either a scammer or really confident. But I told her, “He’s part of our community. He’s so nice. He can’t be a scammer.”

It was, indeed, more money than I’d ever “invested in myself.” But what if it worked? I felt really nervous. But I remembered his skydiving analogy — how fear was just a sign you needed to leap. I convinced myself he couldn’t be a scammer because I knew him… and I wanted to believe he could deliver what he promised.

So I decided to pay the deposit and try out the program.

What I got for a $2,000 down payment was access to a Slack channel with a few amateur videos and a weekly Zoom call. In my first group coaching call, he spent some time talking to me directly while others listened. He painted a picture of me sitting back in a CEO chair, with people lining up to give me money. I thought that was strange. But what came next was really disgusting. He was teaching everyone what to do when potential customers have objection. He said that if someone says they need to talk to their spouse first, you should shame them. He even modeled what to say: “Aren’t you a free person? You let your spouse control you like that? I don’t know if you can ever be successful. If you’re actually want to be successful, you should prove it by making the payment now. Otherwise, I don’t think you’re ready for this.”

After the call, I felt sick and started to panic. I had already paid him so much money. I owed him even more. There was contract. I started studying it frantically, looking for a way out.

Friends started calling me with stories about what he did to them. He was pressuring them to take out shady loans to pay for his crazy program, randomly charging their credit cards, and refusing to give them refunds. He wouldn’t even refund a struggling single mother whose own mother had just died.

That’s when I started warning people, too. Tons of people who working with him messaged me back, saying they were drowning in debt to him, and he was putting them under more pressure than they’d ever experienced before. They had to cold call people every day. They had to use manipulative, high-pressure sales tactics that they felt ashamed of. They had to send the recordings to him, and get his “feedback”, which were basically just corrections and more coercion. They felt exhausted, absolutely overwhelmed with anxiety, and too embarrassed to tell anyone. In fact, he had made them promise not to tell anyone about the program who might “jeopardize their progress” because they don’t have a “winner’s mindset.”

Luckily, my message validated their suspicions and gave them permission to leave.

And many people did leave—some quietly and others loudly.

He threatened to sue me. But I didn’t care. With the community’s help, I got my money back. I also helped others to do the same.

I learned my lessons from that experience.

And now, I kick scam coaches to the curb.

You should, too.

I wish I could tell you I spotted the scam from a mile away — but I didn’t. I got drawn in by the warmth, the popularity, the promises, and the urgency. I wanted to believe it was real. And because I ignored the signs it wasn’t, I almost lost a lot more than money.

But coaches should exist — not to replace therapy, but because they can offer value drawn from a different kind of experience. The best coaches don’t just know the theory; they’ve lived the struggle you’re in. They can speak from the trenches, share strategies they’ve tested themselves, and guide you through challenges in ways a purely clinical approach might not.

That’s exactly why it’s so tragic when scammers and amateurs poison the well — they make people afraid to seek help from the ones who can actually make a difference. When you’re hurting or desperate for change, you’re at your most vulnerable —and that’s when the wrong kind of person can take advantage of you.

If you’re anything like me, you naturally want to trust people. You believe that it is possible to have transformative experiences. This led me to be taken advantage of. But I didn’t completely lose hope. I’ve actually found qualified help that made a big difference in my life, even after falling for a scam.

The secret is to have a FILTER so sharp it cuts straight through the charm, the hype, and the fake authority.

A good filter lets you spot the wrong people fast, without closing yourself off to the right ones. Once you know the signs, you can protect yourself and still find the mentors who will genuinely help you grow.

the 7-Part filter Against Scams:

1. Charm isn’t proof of character.
   Someone can seem generous, warm, and well-connected in the community — and it might be genuine. But it can also be a strategy to get you to trust them faster. Be polite back, sure, but don’t stop there. Watch how they follow through. See if their actions match their words, especially when there’s nothing in it for them.

2. Urgency and fear are sales weapons.
   Pressure tactics — whether it’s a countdown timer, a “once-in-a-lifetime” offer, or shaming rhetoric — are designed to push you into decisions before you’ve had time to think clearly. If someone tries to rush you, do the opposite — hit pause. Inform them you need to think about it, get a second opinion, and check their claims. Any legitimate coach will respect your process instead of pushing harder.

3. High price doesn’t guarantee high value.
   Just because someone charges a ton doesn’t mean they’re worth it. What matters is whether they can actually prove they’ve helped people like you. You should be able to see real examples of their work, see testimonials from past clients, or see results you can verify. If all you’ve got is a price tag and big promises, that’s a red flag.

4. Real coaching builds you up. It doesn’t box you in.
   If someone’s “coaching” makes you feel ashamed, pressured, or cut off from people who’d give you another perspective, that’s not help. That’s manipulation. A good coach helps you stand on your own two feet, not lean on them forever. The easiest way to tell is by how you feel after talking to them. If you walk away feeling clearer, more capable, and like you’ve got real options—you’re probably in good hands. But if you leave feeling smaller, second-guessing yourself, and convinced the only way forward is to buy the next package, that’s a big red flag.

5. Test-drive their process before you buy
   If you want to check a coach’s process, ask them to walk you through it step-by-step, so you understand what you’ll do, when, and why. Ask if they’ve gone through it with people like you before, and ask for both wins and misses so you know what it takes to succeed or not. Ask what happens if it isn’t working halfway. How do they adjust, and what are your options? If they dodge any of that, they’re probably winging it.

6. Don’t let other people think for you
   Don’t turn off your brain just because everyone else is singing their praises or they’ve got a good reputation in your circle. If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Listen, ask questions, but remember: you’re the one who has to live with the decision, not the crowd. Your gut gets the final say, even if it goes against what everyone else thinks.

7. Debt and desperation = dangerous leverage.
   If they don’t even care whether you can actually afford it, watch out. They just want you locked in, so you’ll hustle to bring in more money (and more recruits) just to pay them back. Suddenly, you’re not building your own dream, you’re building theirs, all while convincing yourself it’s for your own good.

While you’re on the lookout, here’s some more advice:

Avoid the amateurs, too.

Not every bad experience comes from a malicious scammer. Some come from well-meaning but unqualified people who simply don’t know what they’re doing. They’ve read a couple of books, taken a weekend “coach certification,” or had one personal breakthrough — and now they’re selling themselves as experts in guiding others.

The problem? Amateurs can be just as dangerous as scammers, because:

• They don’t know what they don’t know.

• They give advice that sounds inspiring but collapses when you try to apply it in real life.

• They waste your time and money while you’re expecting real transformation.

• They unintentionally create dependency or confusion because they have no tested process.

An amateur might not empty your bank account or deliberately manipulate you, but they can cost you something just as valuable — momentum, clarity, and trust in the process of getting help. The key is learning how to trust with your eyes open. That means keeping your hope, but pairing it with a sharp filter that cuts through charm, hype, and fake authority. When you do that, you don’t have to miss out on potentially life-changing experiences. You can still find the people who’ve been where you are, know the way forward, and can actually help you get there. And you won’t fall for the people who are simply after your wallet.

If you would like to find the right help for you, please read my free guide.