Summary
9:55 - 10:30 Reading and Intros
Read: Stillness is the Key; Enter Relationships
(Nonchalantly get right to the process)
Welcome. We're going to be doing introductions 1:1 over the course of the trainings to make things more personal.
Introduce questions. Invite everyone to take a minute of silence to think about them.
Introductions in 1:1 Breakout rooms: What would make this experience memorable and worthwhile for you? What are you nervous about, if anything?
Group sharing.
10:30 - 11:15 What is Empathy?
Theory: All behavior can be understood by looking at outer environment, mental/emotional environment, and choices. Empathy is looking at ourselves and other people deeply, and as a whole, by recognizing all of these factors.
The Qualities of Generous Listening.
1:1 Practice: One volunteer will share while the group tries to listen with empathy and generosity.
Self-Evaluation: What did you notice getting in the way of listening with empathy and generosity?
Questions and Comments
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11:15 - 11:30 Break
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11:30 - 12:00 Mindful Listening
Read Stillness is the Key; Empty Your Mind
There are three conversations going on when two people are speaking. The conversation between the two people, and the two conversations in each of their heads.
Things to Avoid.
Practice: Discuss responses from earlier about what got in the way.
The Practice of Mindfulness (a.k.a. Metacognition) as the solution. You can’t control everything that comes up for you mentally or emotionally, but you can always control how you respond.
Individual Journaling: If you wanted to listen to another team member in the spirit of empathy and generosity, what might get in the way for you?
12:00 - 1 How to Respond
As far as possible, try to respond in a way that’s honest, potentially beneficial, and kind
Responses that convey well-wishes, care, warmth, and interest.
Read poem: Words are windows or they’re walls
Practice in 1:1 Breakout Rooms
Questions and Comments
9:55 - 10:30
Read Stillness is the Key; Enter Relationships
Breakout for 1:1 introductions:
Name and location. What would make this experience memorable and worthwhile for you? What are you nervous about, if anything?
10:30 - 11:30 What is Empathy?
PP
Picture: What you know about someone's life versus the whole picture.
“Don’t let us forget that the causes of human actions are usually immeasurably more complex and varied than our subsequent explanations of them.” ― Dostoevsky
Give the example of taking care of a plant. No plant wants to wither or die. They want to be healthy and grow. Similarly, no one wants to be miserable. Everyone wants to be happy. So why do we make decisions that end up with the opposite result? How can we help ourselves make choices that lead to the quality of life that we need?
Our outer environment
Our inner environment
The choices we make how to respond to our inner and outer environment
The quality of our actions is like condition of a plant. It’s always possible to make sense of our actions when we fully understand these three factors. And if we want to help ourselves, rather than simply considering what we should do, we need to first understand our outer and inner environment, and the choices we're making in response.
Empathy is looking at ourselves and other people deeply, and as a whole.
Explain how to listen with heart:
Concentrate exclusively on the speaker
With curiosity or interest to get to know the person more closely, if possible
Listen to more than just their words (words, tone, pace, and body language)
Imagine what it’s like to walk a mile in their shoes
Wish the best for them, or at least wish to wish the best for them
Listen in ways that non-verbally communicates, “I care”
Request someone to read:
“Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose: to help him or her to empty his heart. Even if he says things that are full of wrong perceptions, full of bitterness, you are still capable of continuing to listen with compassion. Because you know that listening like that, you give that person a chance to suffer less. If you want to help him to correct his perception, you wait for another time. For now, you don’t interrupt. You don’t argue. If you do, he loses his chance. You just listen with compassion and help him to suffer less. One hour like that can bring transformation and healing.” - Thich Nhat Hanh (Picture)
“The gifts we treasure most over the years are often small and simple. In easy times and tough times, what seems to matter most is the way we show those nearest us that we've been listening to their needs, to their joys, and to their challenges. Listening is a very active awareness of the coming together of at least two lives. Listening, as far as I'm concerned, is certainly a prerequisite of love. One of the most essential ways of saying 'I love you' is being a receptive listener.” - Fred Rogers (Picture)
Request the people to briefly share something they heard so far that resonated with them.
Practice:
Request a volunteer who is uncomfortable, but not terrified, of speaking in front of others. Explain the process. The volunteer will share something about their experience, either in the moment, in general, or some specific time in the past, with speaking in front of others.
Everyone will listen.
Then I will ask everyone to write their their responses to the speaker (direct private chat to me). I’ll copy and paste them all into a document for later.
Optional: We’ll get feedback from the speaker. What was this like for you?
Questions and Comments
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11:30 - 11:45 Break
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11:45 - 12:15 Mindful listening
There are three conversations going on when two people are speaking. The conversation between the two people, and the conversations in their heads. A lot of things that come to mind are very helpful. Some things can also get in the way of understanding. In order to be fully present for the other person, it’s necessary to be selective about the inputs you accept from your mind. This is only possible when you practice aware-fullness. When you’re practicing empathy, the secret is to make all of the listening about the other person — even the listening you do within yourself. If you share something, it's because it is true, potentially beneficial, and kind, too.
Things to avoid
Myopic or unsolicited advice
Making it about you
Conversation-ending responses
Initiating a different topic because you’re uncomfortable
Show responses to the speaker from earlier. Evaluate them (being more encouraging than analytical)
Individual Journaling: “If you wanted to listen to another team member with a generous heart, what might get in the way for you?”
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12:15 - 1 How to respond
Read xxx
Ways to respond:
Express gratitude or appreciation for the other person sharing
Celebrate their success and happiness
Mourn their suffering and reversals
Make generous assumptions
Encourage the heck out of them
Express genuine appreciation, if possible
Separate the person from their mistakes, and encourage them as capable and worthy of better
Show interest or care by asking open-ended questions
Demonstrate understanding by putting what you understood in your own words
Practice in 1:1 Break-out rooms: Partner A, what's your experience like, in general, opening up with other people? Partner B please listen with empathy and generosity and try to respond in a way that demonstrates that. Switch.
Read Poem: Words are Windows or They’re Walls
Questions and Comments
Optional: