The Wings of Self-Mastery
Discipline and Restraint
Imagine that just like a young bird is meant to fly, you’re meant to live a life of virtue and integrity. The only problem is that sometimes you dislike what’s good for you. Likewise, sometimes you like what’s bad for you. To counteract these two misdirected forces, you need two special virtues. These virtues are like your wings because they make it possible to reach new heights. One of your wings is discipline, the virtue to counteract your aversion to things that are good for you. The other wing is restraint, the virtue to counteract your desire for things that are bad for you. By exercising both these wings, you can rise above the
A young bird lays inside its nest, and being safe it thinks is best.
Yet deep inside, it longs to fly, to spread its wings and touch the sky.
But fear might keep it trapped in place, afraid to leave this sheltered space.
The world is wide, the winds are strong, but staying here feels just as wrong.
It needs two wings to rise and fly, one wing is discipline, aiming high.
Push past your thoughts and stay on track, insist on action, never slack.
The second wing, restraint, controls what you do, resists what lures or clouds your view.
To hold your ground when temptations call, knowing they’re bound to rise and fall.
With these two wings, the bird will rise, and glide with ease through open skies.
And so will you—with virtues like wings, feel the freedom that virtue brings.
How to Strengthen Your Wings
Just like a bird must practice flapping its wings before it can fly, discipline and restraint take time and effort to develop. So don’t expect immediate perfection. Instead, treat it as a practice and a journey.
Restraint
When you feel an urge to do something you shouldn’t, remember that this feeling is temporary. And just because the feeling is intense, doesn’t make it a good idea. If you succumb to it, you will regret it later because the pleasure won’t last, but the guilt and shame will.
Strong urges and temptations are only suggestion from your mind, and not a commands that you have to obey. You can’t completely prevent them from arising, but if you just wait until they go away on their own. Hold your ground and wait for the storm to pass.
Every time you refuse to act on an urge or temptation, you grow stronger. Therefore, think of the experience as a gain or profit. Smile and lovingly embrace the opportunity to become a stronger person by refusing to accept poor suggestions from your mind.
The commitment to weather the storm will come with discomfort. Lean into the experience and encourage yourself through it. Do what you can to improve your situation and nourish your well-being.
Types of Restraint
You don’t have to be perfectly self-controlled all the time. Different situations call for different approaches. Some pleasures are best postponed, some are best enjoyed in moderation, and some are best avoided altogether. Choosing the right form of restraint helps you stay aligned with your goals and well-being.
Delayed Gratification: Waiting to enjoy treats or recreation until you've reached a specific goal or time.
Moderation: Enjoying something in small, controlled amounts instead of overindulging.
Abstinence: Completely avoiding anything that could harm your progress or well-being.
Meditation:
Imagine yourself amidst a terrible storm. Know inside yourself that it cannot hurt you as long as you stand your ground.
Tell yourself, “This too shall pass.”
Discipline
When you hesitate to do something you should, remember that the mind often exaggerates the difficulty. The hardest part is simply getting started. You’ll be grateful later because the struggle fades, while the sense of accomplishment endures.
When it gets difficult, encourage yourself through your challenges and recognize your progress. Each step forward is a victory, a tangible sign that you are becoming the person you aspire to be.
Types of Discipline
Focus: Directing your attention to one task without distractions.
Completing Tasks: Finishing what you start, even when motivation fades.
Organization: Keeping your space, schedule, and priorities in order to stay productive.
Meditation:
Imagine yourself climbing a mountain. You might doubt yourself in the beginning, but you know that when you reach the top, you will feel different about the journey.
Tell yourself, “This might be hard now, but I will not regret it.”
The Principles of Progress
There are many principles that come together to strengthen your discipline and restraint. They have been hinted at so far, but here is a more detailed explanation.
Know your rational self-interest
Rather than putting a lot of importance on how things feel at first, consider what you how you feel about it later. Sometimes you have to resist desires that will lead to regret, and discipline to make choices you’ll feel good about later.
Assume it can be done
Operate with the mindset that solutions exist and you’re capable of finding them. Just because you’ve failed before doesn’t mean you can’t find a winning strategy and gradually develop the strength to succeed with it.
Take care of your health and well-being
It takes strength and resolve to practice self-control. Take care of yourself so that you’re prepared for the challenges ahead.
Manage your environment
Set yourself up for success by shaping your surroundings. Remove distractions, surround yourself with the right people, and make good choices easy.
Focus on your choices
Don’t wish your emotions or desires would go away. Instead, remind yourself: “It’s okay to feel this way, but it doesn’t have to determine how I think or act.” Know when to be on guard, and when to relax. Your power to avoid bad habits lies in your choices.
Learn from your mistakes
Anyone can claim they want to fix their habits, but not everyone understands what is required. Among those who do, not everyone is willing to do what it takes. But you’re different. You understand this will be challenging, and you’re committed to the process. Even when you make mistakes, you don’t give up. You get back up, learn from the experience, and improve your stance.
Encourage yourself and celebrate your progress
Be your own coach, not your harshest critic. Self-compassion will give you the emotional support you need to stay strong. Review your choices at the end of the day, celebrating each small victory. Acknowledging the good in yourself can make it easier to show up again tomorrow. Whether you’ve been free from a habit for one day or one year, every step is a victory. So count your effort and not just the results. You’re not missing out.
Applied Philosophy: This is Your Mission
We live in a universe that naturally rewards discipline and restraint. By cultivating these virtues, you will be more trustworthy for the people you love, succeed in life, and feel proud of who you are.
But the modern, materialistic society is designed to make you do the opposite—to keep you dissatisfied, impulsive, and shallow. Advertisements, distractions, and quick pleasures all pull you away from your higher purpose.
The following is a practical routine you can follow to rise above the noise, the traffic, and the digital feed.
In the morning, reflect on your purpose and imagine conquering your challenges.
Life is full of challenges, and you can’t control everything that happens to you. However, you can control your attitude and choices. Marcus Aurelius, the Emperor of Rome, had this wisdom in mind when he designed his morning routine. With countless unpredictable factors involved in running an empire, it wasn’t practical for him to depend on rigid plans and schedules. He needed something quick and effective. Therefore, every morning he engaged in a simple practice to mentally prepare himself for the day ahead. Sometimes, he even put this practice into writing. We find this example in his personal journal:
“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from bad. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own - not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural.”
Although you might not have an empire to manage, life can still be complicated and unpredictable. You’ll encounter all sorts of challenging people and situations. To prepare yourself for the day, take a few minutes to ask yourself these questions:
What is my purpose today?
What challenges might I face?
Who do I want to be as I face those challenges?
Many morning routines aim to make you feel nice, but this feeling can be hard to maintain throughout the day. When you become attached too attached to feeling nice, it creates resistance to the challenges of the day. These questions, on the other hand, help you to prepare for challenges, rather than expecting everything to go smoothly. Whether you have many activities in your morning routine or just this one, ensure that you’re not avoiding reality, but preparing to be the hero you’re meant to be.
Do the hard things first
Start your day with small, intentional challenges that push you slightly outside of your comfort zone. By tackling the most difficult tasks first, you set the tone for the rest of the day, building momentum and strengthening your ability to handle unexpected challenges later on. These small acts of discipline not only help you to overcome procrastination but right from the start, they give you a sense of accomplishment.
Before sleep, reflect back on your day
Each night, take a few moments to reflect on the choices you made today, celebrating moments you did your best while also reflecting on moments when you could have honestly done better. This isn’t about criticizing yourself for anything short of perfection but learning from your experiences because you care about your integrity and well-being. It’s an opportunity to examine your actions with honesty, sincerity, and self-compassion. Ask yourself:
What were some moments today when I handle challenges with integrity?
What were some moments today I could have honestly done better?
Based on what I’ve learned from these experiences, how would I like to handle tomorrow?
By reviewing your progress daily, you strengthen your self-awareness and build a clearer understanding of where you’re succeeding and where you need more effort. As Marcus Aurelius did thousands of years ago, you can build a deeper sense of meaning in life today by reflecting on your values and encouraging yourself to keep trying to stay on track.
Regularly meet with a mentor
In addition to your nightly self-review, seek feedback and guidance from a trusted mentor. Even Hercules met with the Oracle of Delphi for guidance. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, sit down to review your progress with someone whose perspective you value. This provides accountability, offers constructive feedback, and allows you to see things from a fresh angle. Regular reviews keep you focused on your long-term goals while helping you manage the challenges of everyday life with a sense of purpose and resilience.
Thanks for reading!
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