Normalize and give people permission to acknowledge these tendencies, so we can address them together, rather than letting them get in the way. It’s also about creating honesty and consistency. This isn’t to judge or qualify you, but to prepare us for success.

Is he ready to show up, be honest, and stay accountable even when it triggers guilt and shame?

Trigger: Guilt and shame

Context: Vulnerable conversations, accountability, agreements, and feedback

Unwanted behaviors: Relentless blame, evasive people-pleasing, ghosting

Coaching can bring up realizations about yourself that are hard to accept. You might discover you have blind spots, that you’re making mistakes, or that you’re doing things you’re not very proud of. Hypothetically speaking, if you handled this situation poorly—out of guilt or shame—what would that most likely look like?

  1. I would shift blame to someone or something else.

  2. I would find a pleasant way to focus on something else.

  3. I would distort or withhold the full truth to prevent myself from looking bad.

  4. I would completely disappear without any notice or explanation.

Is he willing to take responsibility for addressing the things he can control, rather than shifting blame to the things he can’t?

Tigger: Fear, ego, fantasy, and unresolved pains like shame and resentment

Context: Challenging his assumptions and beliefs about the way things should be, rather than how they actually are.

Unwanted behaviors: Obsession over the injustices of others without much care for integrity in one’s own life, a relentless obsession with shifting blame to avoid admitting any wrong whatsoever, talking a big game to please the coach but not following through on commitments

Coaching invites you to shift your focus from what others are doing to how you’re choosing to respond to the challenges in your own life. That can be tough when you're attached to fixing everything, or trying to win everyone’s favor. It can be hard when you wish things were easier than they actually are. It can also feel unfair—especially if you’re still waiting for justice, approval, or closure. If you were struggling with, what would you be most likely to do?

  1. I would try to convince my coach that it’s not me who should change. Other people are the ones who are crazy and wrong.

  2. When change felt slow or uncertain, I would second-guess the point of it all and lose motivation.

  3. I would focus on abstract ideas or hypothetical situations instead of honestly looking at myself.

  4. I would withdraw emotionally, telling myself there’s no point trying if my coach won’t validate my truth.

Is he willing to earn what he wants, rather than simply fantasizing about success or cheating?

Trigger: Fear of failure, aversion to difficulty

Context:

Unwanted behaviors: Obsessing over results without a willing to change or do the work, saying he wants something that makes him look good while he actually wants something else, trying to get what he wants by deceptive or dishonest means

Sometimes we’re exciting to reach certain milestones in life, but we’re not as excited for the work and sacrifices that are necessary to get there. This is an impediment that comes up sometimes during the coaching process. If you were struggling in this way, what would it most likely look like?

  1. I would explain the other priorities or challenges that prevent me from following through on the task.

  2. Imagine myself being successful, even if I haven’t really started, and find my own way to shine.

  3. Set it aside and only mention it if you ask me directly next time.

  4. Try it out, note what happened, and be ready to share my experience.


Able to have a focused and purposeful dialogue, or does he simply love to hear himself speak

When a coaching conversation reminds me of something seemingly unrelated, what am I most likely to do?

  1. Evaluate how relevant it is and choose what to share or withhold.

  2. Push to cover everything on my mind, insisting it all needs to be addressed right now.

  3. Agree to narrow it down if my coach suggests it, even if I’m still thinking about other stuff and brimming with more to say.

  4. Hold back from speaking to avoid hijacking the session.

Is he willing to question beliefs that keep him from facing his fears?

5. If a coach challenged a belief I hold, what would I most likely to do?

  1. Stay curious, explore why I cling to that belief, and consider how letting it go could change things.

  2. Debate the point from my perspective.

  3. Go along with it in the moment to keep things smooth, even if I’m skeptical.

  4. Mentally tune out or wait for the topic to move on before reengaging.


Is he willing to apply what he learns, or does he simply want to talk and talk?

6. When something about my coaching relationship starts to feel off—like feeling misunderstood, criticized, or disconnected—what am I most likely to do?
A. I’d speak up kindly so we can address it and adjust.
B. I’d withdraw, skip sessions, or let resentment build in silence.
C. I’d go along if asked but avoid bringing it up first.
D. I’d keep attending but steer clear of anything that feels uncomfortable.