But honestly, even with all these considerations in mind about nature of porn, someone might nonetheless admit, “I understand that people in the porn industry aren’t the happiest people in the world. But the content is already there online, and I’m not hurting anyone by looking at it. Actually, it’s an effective way to take the edge off when I’m stressed out, or having a bad day. Even if give it up based on some guilt trip about how bad it is, I don’t think that’s sustainable for me. I fear I’d be missing out.”
Moral judgements aside, it’s important to understand that it’s not the porn per se that you’re hooked on, but the effects it has on you. If it didn’t stimulate your mind and body, it wouldn’t be any more interesting than watching gymnastics.
If it were the content itself that you were after, then you wouldn’t feel the urge to continually find new material. But that constant hunger for something new is the actual addiction. It stimulates the reward system in your brain and nervous system to release certain internal chemicals that make you feel good. And this drives your craving to keep searching, clicking, and exploring. In this way, although porn use seems to be driven by sexual desire, that’s only secondary to the desire to make yourself feel good by artificially stimulating your reward system.
Porn and masturbation are definitely ways to take the edge off when you’re stressed or having a bad day. So you’ll understandably have cravings for it when you’re bored, lonely, upset, anxious, tired, and so on. All these unpleasant feelings are messages helping you know what you need. And you’re meant to respond to them by taking care of yourself. Pornography and masturbation only distract you from those unpleasant feelings. They don’t help you acknowledge those needs, or take action to make your life situation any better.
As long as you think that porn and masturbation are outlets for sex desire alone, then you’ll feel like you’re missing out without them. But if you see these habits as distractions for what you’re actually needing, you’ll realize it’s the opposite. Don’t get lured into distractions. Confront and resolve your issues instead. Choosing artificial escapes means missing out on real life. Focus on creating a fulfilling life you don’t feel the need to escape from.