By Damodar Prasad Roe
The voice of Ego
But a doubt should arise. If every human being is a living miracle, then why don’t you naturally think of yourself and other people in this way?
The reason is a voice in your mind called ego. Like a snake, it has two tongues. Sometimes it boasts in pride about how you’re superior to other people and entitled to their respect. Sometimes it laments in shame how you’re inadequate and should hide your true face away from sight. Either way, when you accept the messages of your ego at face value, you become separated from an innocent appreciation of who you are at the core — a conscious being making choices in response to your present moment experience.
An existential question that life asks you is, “How will you determine your self-worth?”
Whether you answer with Self-Respect, the ego of pride, or the ego of shame, every one of us will have to answer by the way we conduct our lives, and the answer will determine our fate.
Part Two: The Ego of Pride
"A proud man is always looking down on things and people, and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you."
- C.S. Lewis
Different Value Systems
Diogenes was a Cynic philosopher who voluntarily lived a homeless lifestyle in the streets of Athens. He didn’t believe in the conveniences of city life that his flourishing empire had established. Rather, he believed that his only interest was in knowledge and virtuous conduct.
One day, Alexander the Great went in person along with his entourage to find Diogenes. Alexander wanted to meet this man he had heard so much about.
“Diogenes,” the Emperor addressed him, “Why are you living on the street like a dog?”
Diogenes was surrounded by Alexander’s soldiers in full Roman armor, with spears on their backs and swords at their sides. Yet he didn’t seem intimidated by them, or even by the emperor himself. He simply remained silent.
“I will give you anything within my means that you desire. What is it that you wish for?” Alexander asked him.
Diogenes glanced up at him, seemingly interested. “Your Highness, I can see that your stature is mighty. In fact, you look like the sun god himself. So can you give me sunshine?”
“No” Alexander replied.
“Then stand out of the sun’s way, for you cast a shadow over me.”
It’s easy to feel proud when you’re conquering the world. But it’s also easy to feel proud when you’ve given everything up. Both men looked down on each other because they each assumed their own value system was the best, and they used that value system to prove their superiority over the other.
Pride will also make you do the same thing. You’ll make assumptions about what makes a person valuable, and then compare yourself with other people in a light where you feel superior.
Judging other people might tell you about how you compare with them in certain ways. But it doesn’t tell you anything about who you are as a person and what you’re like innately. For example, you might be wealthier than a homeless person, but that doesn't mean you’re wealthy. You might be dumber than Albert Einstein, but that doesn't mean you’re dumb. The only way to truly know yourself is to look at your own personality without comparing yourself to anyone else. And the same goes for getting to know other people. The only way to truly know another person is to be sincerely interested in them with the openness to accept their authentic self.
Alexander called Diogenes a dog because he was living in the street. Diogenes trivialized the power of Alexander by telling him to stop blocking the sun. What do you judge other people for? It might be beauty, or it might be strength. It might be knowledge, power, wealth, or hard work — but we all have metrics for judging, and you can only judge when you impose your own value systems on other people. Alexander and Diogenes did not share each other’s value systems. That’s why Diogenes didn’t see himself as a dog, but was happy to live on the street. And Alexander didn’t see himself as getting in the way, but as offering the greatest generosity.
It's easy to look down on other people when you only consider the dimensions of life where you excel. But there’s a lot more to consider when you look at many different metrics for success, and if you do, you’ll see that we all come out imperfect. You excel some people in some ways, and other people excel you in some ways. All that can all change over time.
What’s really important when you find yourself excelling other people in some way is what you do with that advantage. Will you use that advantage to feed your own egos? Or will you use it for the benefit of everyone? Even when you have a great value system and you’re acting with integrity, you’re misusing it if you make into a tool to put other people down. Your heart isn’t in the right place. You might become so concerned with other people's faults and supposed inferiority that you miss out the real opportunities of life.
define progress by what you care about
Self-Inquiry Journal Prompts
Catch Pride Before You Fall
(Replace pride with gratitude and value awareness)
1. Acknowledge the attitudes and behavior.
Ask yourself, “When do I judge other people? What for?”
2. Think twice before feeding your ego.
Ask yourself, “When I compare myself for other people, am I looking at the whole picture, or only the aspects where I think I excel? Am I being objective and realistic in my perceptions, or self-serving in how I gather and utilize information? To what extent am I curious to understand the values of other people, versus just judging them by imposing my own? To what extent am I using my advantages in life to serve the best interests of myself and others, and to what extend am I just feeding my ego?”
3. Look who’s talking.
In the moment when you notice pride in your mind as you look down on someone else, you can ask yourself these questions:
“How much do I know about this person's circumstances? Besides their behavior at the moment, what am I not seeing about their story and their heart? When have I behaved similar in a way, and why did I behave that way? How can I help? What is the value I’m judging them based upon, and how well do I live up to it? What can I learn here?”
4. Consider what you’re afraid of.
As long as you find yourself continuing to indulge in egotistical pride, it means that there’s something you’re trying to get out of it. Oftentimes with pride, you’re compensating for a deeper insecurity that you have.
Ask yourself, “If there were suddenly no one in existence who was below me, and I found myself just like a hammer in a world with no nails, then how would that affect me? What am I afraid I would lose if I didn't have the chance to judge, criticize, show off, take advantage of others, and so on? What's a better way to fill the void in myself that makes me want to judge and criticize?”
5. Imagine how life could be better without pride.
Ask yourself:
How could my life be different if rather than finding my self-worth in seeing myself as superior to other people, I looked for ways that we're fundamentally similar in our humanness, or connected on a personal level?
How could my life be different if I practiced celebrating the success of other people?
How could my life be different if I didn’t try to do everything by myself, or let my pursuit of success isolate me from other people, but rather, worked as a team when possible and shared success with others?
How could my life be different if I was able to accept constructive criticism, and then sincerely work on the issues that were previously my blind spots?
How could my life be different if I put my guard down with trustworthy people, expressed my feelings vulnerably, and allowed myself to be affected by the way they respond?
Part Three: The Ego of Shame
“You might be pierced by the arrows of an enemy. But in comparison, this is not so egregious as when you are pierced by the unkind words of a relative. Such grief will continue to afflict your heart day and night.”
- Shiva, Bhagavata Purana 4.3.19
Too many of us have experienced being treated that way – like we’re not worth attention, respect, or love. It’s most impactful when it comes from people who are close to us, like family or friends. Because they know us well, so we assume their actions must be warranted – especially when we fall short of expectations, or they seem nonchalant in mistreating us. We wonder, “What is this person seeing in me that I deserve being treated this way? What’s wrong with me?” We internalize the attitudes of those who abuse, insult, or neglect us. And that internalized attitude obscures our true self-worth.
As we make our way in the world, we find ourselves in new relationships that somehow wind up having the same quality as our old ones. This is because we’re acting out the shameful and self-defeating beliefs that we harbor about ourselves. Just like puzzle pieces fit together, people with complimentary dynamic tend to come together in groups or pairs. A person with little self-respect, a sense of lonely desperation, and weak boundaries will not connect with someone who is confident and clear about what they want. Rather, people with shame will connect with people who treat them how they already feel about themselves. Self-pitying people will drain people who have a savior-complex, and people who compromise their own dignity in order to be accepted will connect with people who manipulate them to enjoy feeling wanted. Despite the passing of time, and meeting new people, we’re trapped in the same cycles because we’re unconsciously allowing the ego of shame to run our lives.
Seemingly pre-defeated and stuck, we distract ourselves from that pain with unwanted habits. Even when we're trying to gain more self-control, on a deeper level, the driving force of our unwanted habits is feeling like we're unwanted ourselves. When we believe we're unwanted, then we look for love in all the wrong places. We'll feel like we belong with unwanted people in unwanted places doing unwanted things. We’ll subject ourselves to degraded interests, association, and activities. If we don't see any better options for ourselves, then whatever we're used to seems like where we belong. Underneath the habits and the pain, we’ve given up hope because we let someone else tell us what we’re worth - either by their words, actions, or both.
When we hide secrets about our toxic relationships and unwanted habits, it’s tantamount to cherishing these things within our hearts, where we should be keeping our values and ambitions. Without being honest with ourselves and select people whom we can trust, it becomes difficult to distinguish between the mistakes we’ve made and who we actually are as a person. Our guilt and shame become pollution that leaks and settles into our hearts and minds, and we live behind a mask, fearfully avoiding what might happen if other people got to know us deeply enough to see what we’re hiding. We’re unable to accept love even when it’s given to us because we don’t feel worthy of it, we think it’s only offered because they don’t see who we actually are.
Self-Inquiry Journal Prompts
Shame Reframed
(Replace shame with curiosity and acceptance)
Pick an impactful experience.
Without going into detail about what happened, ask yourself, “What is something that's happened to me which impacted my sense of self-worth in a negative way? What is something I've done that I’m ashamed of?”
Name just one event or give it a succinct description.
For example: “When my father used to hit me.” or “When I was expelled from school.”
Describe just the facts about what happened.
Facts are objective and indisputable descriptions of what happened. If there is controversy about the facts, then it's possible to use evidence and logic to prove which account is right, and which is wrong.
Opinions, on the other hand, are subjective and disputable beliefs about what the event means. They include thoughts and feelings, evaluation, assumptions, interpretation, comparison, judgement, blame, assuming others’ intentions, portraying people or events in caricatures, using loaded language, and so on. There can be legitimate controversy about all of these things because it’s all subjective.
In this step, limit yourself to the world of facts and observations. Suspend all opinions for now, and write as objectively as you can, describing just the facts about what happened.
Describe just your feelings and core needs in the situation.
Often when we try to express our feelings, what we do instead is describe what we believe was being done to us. For example, rather than saying, “I felt sad”, we say, “I felt ignored.” Sadness is a feeling within oneself, while being ignored is a way of describing what another person did.
To say you felt sad is indisputable. But the other person might disagree with the idea that they were “ignoring” you. Such language tells a story of assumed intentions, but it doesn’t actually reveal what was going on inside your mind and heart while you were in that situation.
As you acknowledge and name your feelings, it’s important to consider why you felt that way. Another person in the same situation might have had different feelings than you did. For example, when you noticed your parents absent for most of the day, you may have felt sad. But your brother may have felt relieved. Therefore, it’s not what happens to you that determines your feelings, but how you choose to see it, and whether it meets your core needs and values.
Core needs and values include things like safety, love, or a sense of confidence what to do. They are called core needs, rather than just needs, because they exist within you regardless of how well you find ways to fulfill them. There are a lot of conditional needs in life, like the need to unlock the deadbolt before you can pass through a door. But what is the need within you that moves you to approach that door in the first place? Everything we do is motivated by some core need or value, and there are always many options how we might try to fulfill that prompting.
Ask yourself, “While I was going through that situation, what are the names of the emotions that I felt? What core needs or values of mine were not being met?”
Describe your beliefs about what happened.
Human nature is to mix facts with beliefs and feelings, especially in a way that suits our own interests. Thus, everyone has their own version of the story.
Ask yourself, “What is the version of the story that I tell myself? How am I portrayed in this story, and what does it seem to mean about me personally? What do I blame myself for?”
Just blurt out in writing whatever comes to mind automatically, even if it doesn’t make sense. You might not believe it on second thought, or it might feel embarrassing to admit the honest truth. But just let it flow from mind to writing. This is how you get it out of your unconscious mind and into the light.
Flip the script and take responsibility.
Events may seem good or bad at face value, but we never really know what's a blessing in disguise. There’s a parable about a farmer who fell off his horse and broke a leg. It seemed like fortune has taken a bad turn for him, until a government draft was announced, and he was spared from being sent to war.
“The mind is a place of its own. It can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”
- John Milton, Paradise Lost
Ultimately, it's not really what happens to us that's good or bad, but how we choose to see it, and what we do in response. No matter what happens, we can always choose to have a sanguine attitude, and make the most out of it. The word ‘sanguine’ means when you have an optimistic and hopeful outlook despite apparent reasons not to. Our ability to choose our attitude about any situation is one of the greatest powers we have as human beings. We can learn from our mistakes, and not allow circumstance to defeat us.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
- Viktor Frankl
Ask yourself the following questions to help re-frame things in a positive way:
“What would I say to someone whom I love and support if they were in the same situation? If I don’t want this to happen again, how do I need to grow as a person? What do I need to learn? What are better strategies for meeting my core needs and values? How can I use the wisdom I gained from reflecting on my experiences to help other people that I care about?”
Consider forgiving yourself.
If you’ve done things that you regret, then list them at the end of this sentence:
“I encourage myself to do better moving forward, even though in the past I made the mistake of…”
If you don't like certain faults you have, then list them at the end of this sentences:
“Every day is a new opportunity to start making different choices, even though I have the tendency to…”
In the following sentence, fill the first space with something you don’t like about yourself, and the second space with how you’d like to be instead:
“I love and care about myself whether I’m ____ or ____. This unconditional love helps me to keep trying, rather than giving up.”
If have complaints about your life, then list them at the end of these two sentences:
“Today is a blessing despite…”
“I'm grateful to be alive regardless of…”
Ask yourself, “How does it feel to recite these sentences? What do I notice in myself when I do?”
Consider letting go of hard feelings towards others after setting appropriate boundaries.
Ask yourself:
“Am I holding on to hard feelings towards someone else who was involved in what happened? If so, who is it, and what are the names of my feelings? Have I tried to have a reasonable conversation with this person to express why I feel the way I do, and what I would need in order to have a healthy relationship? If not, what am I afraid of? How did they respond? Based on their response, do they deserve my trust? Do they deserve a place in my heart?”
Part Three: Self-Respect
Much before his time, Desmond Doss was a conscientious objector during the era of World War II. It was his religious convictions that made him opposed to the idea of killing. Especially on a world scale, he was against the idea that killing was the solution for conflicts. But he wasn’t a perfect saint himself. As a boy he once knocked out his brother by hitting him in the head with a brick. For him, nonviolence was a conviction that he came to the hard way, making a mistake he regretted for the rest of his life. Surely, when he read the story of Cain and Abel, he saw in himself in the fratricidal killer, and he feared this episode might define him forever. It was this feeling of regret which led him to cement himself in a vow to the Commandment, “Thou shalt not kill.”
At the same time, Desmond wanted to serve his country, and join his own brother and many friends who had already enlisted. So he joined the Army voluntarily at the height of the war. But as a new recruit, he wasn’t respected in his infantry company because he refused to even touch a weapon. Everyone thought he was crazy, untrustworthy, and sanctimonious. His peers bullied and beat him to see whether he was actually nonviolent, or just a coward who would become violent when provoked enough. His commanding officers punished and humiliated him, hoping he would either fall in line, or resign from the military. He was even taken to military court with the possibility of serving time in jail. Despite all these tests, Doss showed his determination to sincerely serve as a nonviolent medic in the war, and never touch a weapon. Sure enough, he was deployed to Guam, the Philippines, and Japan.
When Desmond received the Medal of Honor from the President of the United States, he was recognized for his many acts of bravery in war. He had refused to seek cover countless times while risking his own life to care for, and rescue others. Many times, he ran and crawled out into no man’s land, or even enemy territory, to rescue wounded soldiers. He administered medical care without concern for himself, despite serious injuries like being shot in the arm by a sniper while carrying a wounded soldier to safety, and receiving shrapnel wounds when he kicked a live grenade away from his comrades. Over the course of the war, Desmond saved as many as 100 lives, and miraculously lived to tell the tale.
When you’re a mere soldier on the ground, the basic premise of war is that you’re there to kill the enemy. But Desmond showed compassion even to wounded enemy soldiers, offering them the same medical care he did for his own men.
What is it that can make someone hate other people so much that he tries to kill them, despite not even knowing them? Conversely, what is it that can make a person have compassion and care for the person who would like to kill him?
Respect Means to Look Again with non-judgemental eyes
When we diminish the value of other peoples’ lives by superficial labels and name-calling, not recognizing the psychological anatomy that makes them inclined to be that way. The unintended consequence is that we inevitably apply the same standards to the question, “What is my own life worth?” We let our past actions define us, and think that we're either the good guy or the bad guy. We use absolute language like, “I always mess up. I'm never going to get over this.” We judge, criticize, and punish ourselves. We lose hope or meaning because our explanations for everything lack a vision of the fundamental sophistication that makes up every human being.
The word Respect literally means to look again, especially with non-judgmental eyes that are looking for possibilities we didn’t recognize at first, because they were hidden under the surface. We might have a change of heart when we see an enemy soldier’s children finally reuniting with their father after so many months of uncertainty. When the broadcaster with obnoxious political opinions gets diagnosed with the same disease that we’ve struggled with so for so long, we might wish they never got it. We might speed up to curse the idiot who cut us off in traffic, only to realize it’s an old friend from school. Respect is putting on our glasses to recognize that a person is more than we can could ever see with our imperfect vision, more than we can ever see in just one moment, and more than we can ever see from just one perspective. Underneath the positive or negative labels we project onto people, there’s another human being who’s not unlike us.
People had their judgements of Desmond Doss for the mistakes he made in his life, his eccentric personality, and so on. But they didn’t realize just how deep his commitment to integrity was. They couldn’t see his potential until he risked his own life for the values he cherished most deeply. He could have made different choices, and it wasn’t easy what he did. He wasn't perfect by any means. But his life is an example of how even if you almost kill your own brother, and violate the most fundamental principles of your own religion, you always have the prerogative to change if you start making different choices.
Healthy pride, Healthy Shame
It’s natural to feel proud of having done something good, or ashamed of having done something bad. Our conscience employs these feelings to guide us in the right direction. We can notice these feelings and be grateful that we’re connected with our inner voice. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have the instinct to learn from our mistakes, or feel encouraged to continue doing what’s good. As long as we don’t start believing that there’s anything we can do that permanently defines us, then these feelings of pride or shame can be healthy. We’re neither permanently qualified, nor permanently unqualified. We’re just making choices moment after moment.
Our Fresh Identity in the present moment
The past is gone and the future is uncertain. Our power lies exclusively in the present moment. We’re only conscious in the present moment, we can only make choices in the present moment, and we can only use our energy in the present moment. Since these are the qualities of life that define our inherent value as individuals, therefore, our true self-worth is found exclusively in this present moment. Self-respect then means using these living energies as best as we can, and therefore forging our lives as an expression of our fresh identity in the present moment.
The opinions of other people, the past, and the future, are all beyond our direct control. When we find our self-worth in the present moment, we avoid outsourcing our very sense of who we are, which is the foundation of our lives, to external things that are beyond our control. This conviction puts us in charge of our own lives and makes it possible to start anew again and again, thereby having a dynamic experience of life. Because you can't say no one believes in you as long as you can say, “I do".
Keep Good Qualities, Transform Bad Ones
In Ancient India, the Sanskrit word for ‘ego’ was ahankara. It literally means to identify with one’s actions, taking credit for success or becoming depressed by failure. The deeper idea here is that even when we’re successful, there are many factors beyond our influence that enabled it to happen. The very body that we acted with was given to us by our parents, according to the laws of nature, which we had no part in. The very language we speak, which makes it possible to think, was passed down to us from generations before. Where would be without these two things alone? Whatever virtues we have are only borrowed and can be lost if we’re not careful. Likewise, when we fail, we can regret the action, but we shouldn’t despise ourselves because only you can change your behavior. And therefore, it’s you, the person, who needs encouragement after a mistake.
We all have good qualities and bad qualities. Examples of good qualities are gratitude, empathy, cleanliness, honesty, and integrity. Examples of bad qualities are selfishness, untrustworthiness, dirtiness, malice, and an attitude of entitlement. Good qualities can actually turn sour, and become bad qualities, when we're egotistically proud of having them. We become susceptible to misuse those good qualities, or take them for granted while acting in ways that risks losing them. Likewise, ego can make our faults even worse because we’re too defensive to acknowledge them, and correct ourselves. When our intentions are diverted away from serving the best interest of ourselves and others, then all of our “good qualities” become shallow, like some fresh fruit with worms burrowed inside. It might be naturally delicious, good-looking, and healthy, but it nonetheless becomes inedible.
We can hold on to our good qualities through the power of gratitude -- recognizing that it’s a privilege to embody those good qualities, and not something that can ever be taken for granted. All the good things about us are blessings in a universe with laws which transcend our sphere of comprehension or experience. We're responsible to use them well for the limited time we have them.
Bad qualities gradually become transformed for the better when we're honest enough to acknowledge them as faults of ours, and take responsibility for doing our best to improve. Even though the content of what we’re working on is regrettable, the sincerity with which we handle them is good. We should give ourselves credit for being sincere. We’re responsible for the consequences of our past actions, which follow us like a shadow. But the shadow isn't who we truly are. By breaking our identification with the shadow of our faults, it becomes easier to be compassionate towards ourselves, and grow beyond the shortcomings of who we used to be.
Responding to Toxic Thoughts & Feelings
Maybe you got the idea that we should never judge other people, or think ourselves superior. You might be thinking that we shouldn’t feel ashamed of ourselves just because of some thing that happened, or hide what we’ve done and who we are the inside out of fear of being unloved by others. At the same time, you must know on some level that such thoughts and feelings will return whether they’re welcome or not. So you must be wondering, “What should I do when I have these kinds of thoughts and feelings?”
It’s not possible to force your mind to only have the thoughts you want to have. If it were, then there wouldn’t be any journey of personal growth. All we would need is the right ideas, and we’d instantly become perfect people. Unfortunately, many religious people think this way, but that’s not how life works. Simply adopting a belief system in hopes of avoiding responsibility is called spiritual bypassing. Despite such attempts, ego is always there with its two tongues of pride and shame, whispering inside our minds, and trying to influence our choices.
When self-judgmental thoughts arise, the first step is to become aware of them, rather than automatically believing in them, and then impulsively acting out the negative or exaggerated image we hold of ourselves. Then bring this awareness deeper into yourself to what is behind the judgement. Black-and-white evaluation of ourselves totally ignores the richness of life. There’s no good or bad to the seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. There’s no true or false to emotions like happiness, sadness, or anger. We might have likes and dislikes, but judgmental thinking is only at the surface of what is actually inside you. And sometimes it's easier to condemn ourselves or show off than it is to let ourselves feel sad, mad, or happy.
Ask yourself:
“When I feel bad about myself, what is the core value of mine that I’m suffering from not fulfilling?”
The second step is to remember that you have choices.
Viktor Frankl writes:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our potential for growth and our freedom.”
In other words, toxic or thoughts or feelings don’t automatically turn into toxic actions. The protective barrier in between them is choice. You have the choice what thoughts to believe or not. You have the choice what to speak and what to keep to yourself. You have the choice what to do and not do.
When the glass of a light bulb is colored yellow, red, or blue, the light appears to be that same color. Similarly, depending on the quality of our mindsets and moods, we might seem to be good, mixed, or bad. But underneath the glass of the bulb, the light coming from the filament is always pure and uncolored. In the same way, although our minds and hearts take on different colors, the consciousness emanating from our souls is always pure. It’s always possible to become self-aware and start moving in a different direction. Our moods and mindsets are not who we are at the core.
We can meditate: “Thoughts and feelings are like clouds. And as a conscious soul, I am like the sky that contains them. I was conscious before they came, I am conscious while they're present, and I’ll be conscious after they’re gone. My power lies in knowing that while these thoughts and feelings will pass, I will remain. I just have to be patient with myself, and trust that if I make good choices from a place of Self-Respect, then I always have the potential for more vibrant inner forecasts.”
As we do this, our awareness takes on the color of compassion. We find the motivation for self-forgiveness in the experience that there are deeper parts to our being, and we always have the possibility of investing ourselves in a sense of purpose which brings us the fulfillment of meaning and growth.
The Opportunity of Opportunities
The more we become conscious, the more we’ll simultaneously become humble and grateful. We’ll find more joy in life, and at the same time, we’ll see that it takes a lifetime of practice to maintain Self-Respect. Therefore, we’ll enroll as permanent students in the school of life, aspire to greater things, and seek out what is true and good - in ourselves, in other people, in the world, and in whatever we choose to believe. Self-Respect is the genesis of a profound relationship with ourselves, by which we encounter a vision of our ultimate belonging, and begin an earnest journey towards that intriguing possibility of enlightenment that we’re afforded by virtue of being alive.
In the words of the Shrimad Bhagavatam (2.1.12):
“What is the value of a prolonged life which is wasted, immature despite years in this world? Better a moment of full consciousness, because that gives one a start in searching after his supreme interest.”
Take a deep breath and acknowledge this opportunity of opportunities it is to be alive, aware, and capable. Don’t evaluate yourself through the eyes of judgement or comparison, but through the appreciation of consciousness and agency that are everlastingly alive within you.
Self-Inquiry Journal Prompts
Nurture Self-Respect
Ask yourself:
Identity
What do I not know about myself?
What other experiences have impacted my sense of self-worth in a positive way?
What are the best things I’ve been given in this life? What am I grateful for?
How would I like to reciprocate with the gifts that have been given to me?
What roles do I serve in my family or community? Who are the people I care about?
What words of recognition would leave me jumping for joy?
If I had only one more year to live, how would I spend that time?
How would I like to be remembered after I’m no longer living?
How would I describe my best self, or the person I want to be?
What does integrity mean for me personally?
What makes me unique as an individual?
How do I find meaning?
What are the metrics by which I tend to judge success, but don’t reflect my deeper values? What are the metrics by which I want to judge my success?
What do I believe in?
What do I want? What makes me happy?
What are my priorities in life?
Dreams
What exactly are my dreams in life?
What’s a dream I’ve had, but was too afraid to take ownership of?
What have I not done, or not finished, that I would really like to do?
What is an important project that I could be working on? What have I only started that I could finish? What are the important things that are incomplete in my life?
Self-Respect Coaching
Do you want help integrating these concepts into your life? Click the button below to learn more about what I’d love to offer you.
The opposite of shame:
“For many years I had an addiction. I felt so ashamed that I went out of my way to keep it secret, even while trying to seek help. I've done coaching with Damodar for over three years now, and we've actually written down my whole life story together. I began to realize that my addiction makes perfect sense given my rough circumstances and sensitive nature. I also began to see my way out of it. I've become more assertive and self-satisfied in my dealings with others. I've learned how to accept my feelings, and take greater responsibility. The experience of having Damodar get to know me so personally, and still be warm and accepting, has been the opposite of shame. He’s a really great guy.”
- K.D. New York
I’d love to hear from you! What are your realizations or experiences around Self-Respect? What questions does this article raise for you?
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