The Hidden Cost of Likes
By Damodar Roe
When you share your work online, or you open up about something personal, what really matters is the significance it has to you. Unfortunately, social media can undermine your confidence in the things you believe in. You might start to doubt yourself about something important just because of negative comments or receiving a small number of likes.
We doubt ourselves because we assume that likes, positive comments, and shares, reveal the true value of something. But just because an idea or work of art isn’t very popular doesn’t mean it’s bad. For example, imagine if social media existed in the 1960s, and Martin Luther King Jr. shared his ideas about racial equality and nonviolence on Instagram, Twitter (X), and TikTok. Imagine how many hateful comments he would receive, and how he might get banned from the platform. Wouldn’t it be a shame if he doubted himself because of this, and went silent?
Imagine if Galileo had shared his discoveries on social media that our universe is heliocentric. Would the Sun switch its course, and start revolving around the Earth just because the Catholic church launched a campaign to discredit him?
Obviously, Dr. King and Galileo were both far ahead of their time. And their powerful ideas eventually changed the world in spite of haven been very unpopular. Now, maybe you’re not going to shape the course of history with your latest reel. But whether you reach eight people or 8.1 billion people with your content, what determines its values is the quality and purpose.
The following are three practices that will help you be more mindful online:
Turn off your notifications.
Make it hard to access social media on your phone.
Stop clicking on the little red bell.
There is a moment after you feel urge to log on/post, when you haven’t actually done anything yet. You can actually lengthen this moment by using these three practices, empowering you to be more conscious and intentional about when you log on, and how you use social media.
Take this important moment to look at the crossroads in front of you. On one side is a shimmering mirage of validation, beckoning you with the promise of likes, comments, and shares. On the other side is an open path forward towards greater self-awareness, purpose, and meaning. Now, consider what path your mind is trying to take you down. If you notice the desire to grasp for that mirage, then just let it go. The desire won’t last forever and you don’t have to act on it. In fact, you shouldn’t act on it. (Unless you want to make money for the social media platforms who get paid by advertisers to hijack your attention all day and night.)
And when you're unsure of yourself, don't check the response. Check in with yourself, keeping in mind that feelings change, but values stay the same. So what matters is that your choices serve your values, whether it's uncomfortable or nice.
But if you have something specific in mind that you want to share or look up, and you also have some healthy detachment from caring about likes, comments, and shares — then go for it!
And if social media is part of your work, then you can even take steps to optimize the chances of your post going viral or reaching your target audience, while remembering that the actual outcome doesn’t determine the value what you’re putting out there. In fact, this approach will empower you to increase the quality of your own contributions, seek credible feedback, and be more consistent and strategic. You will realize that success isn’t solely measured by the fleeting gaze of others. It takes time, effort, and study.
Whether you want to advocate an important cause, build a brand, or share personal photos with friends and family, picture your core values as sturdy anchors, firmly rooted in the bedrock of your beliefs, steadfast against the turbulent waves of social media validation. Picture yourself standing on the shore, watching as the tide of likes and comments ebbs and flows, but your anchors remain unmoved, guiding you with unwavering certainty.